Response A UNISA Staff exhibition
Went to another gallery opening last night. I was faced with the reality of my rebellion once again.
The lecturers and staff put on quite an exhibit and it was interesting to note how indeed the works were a response to the world around them including past exhibits I've seen students do. I suppose all people in the art world are responding to past arts and concepts as we all tend to reflect on what has been done by others and try to draw our own interpretations of how we would "Respond" to the same question if it were ever to be asked of us.
On to the point of the reality of my rebellion. Fact: I have a tendency of not liking to fit in. It's a weird tendency when you consider the fact that all humans have an inherent need to fit in that can be traced back to survival instincts and all that good historical stuff. So how did this pop up again last night, well I found myself very put off by the community that I have become part of. Not because of anything that was done by anyone or any particular trigger event, I was just not feeling it anymore. In my head the words rang out clearly in a scornful tone that I have come to know too well: "Oh boy, so now I'm one of those gallery people". What are gallery people? People who spend a copious amount of their free time chasing the next gallery exhibit in an effort to relax whilst expanding their cultural muscles.
On a normal day I would find nothing wrong with this thought and chalk it down to not wanting to be part of that environment, but not this time. My topic for this year focuses greatly on collectivism and individuality and I've focused in a little further to try figure out why I never feel a part of things. This was a clear example of my individual rebellion acting up again, but to what end. What a terrible realisation when I finally sat down and thought my way through it, when I finally knew the true answer of why I felt uncomfortable.
My rebellion is a big contributor to my isolation. Isolation is what I crave when my anxieties kick in. Finally the link is made. So I'm not really rebellious, my anxieties, which are mainly to do with large groups and people in general, kick in and cause me to not want to be part of things and usually cause me to think that people don't want me to be part of things. This changes everything. I'm not sure how yet. More art exploration is necessary. How does this feed back into the collective? Does the collective benefit from having absent members of society? Does it benefit from having minds who are silently working away at projects away from distractions? Is the community a distraction?
I wish I had the answers but I'll settle for the tinkling's of a story in the works.